Sometimes Love Hurts

This morning I said goodbye to my son, my first born, and it was hard. We prayed, we hugged, we kissed goodbye. I said what I always say, "I love you. I love being your mom." And then we watched him drive away - to Basic Training to be followed by Officer Candidate School.

I am grateful for the blessing of my sweet family, children who love God and seek to serve, a husband who loves much, and a God who cares about all these things.

This week, as I walk a new path with my family, I am trusting God and remembering his promises, like these I memorized last year:

And my God will supply all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind. 1 Timothy 1:7

Come near to God and he will come near to you. James 4:8

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they put their trust in me. Isaiah 26:3

The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid. Psalm 27:1

my blessings

Saying goodbye should not be easy when we love.

A Heart Wide Open

To compliment my Bible reading, my 2012 scripture memorization has been focused on verses that highlight the importance of asking God to reveal what his Word means, what truth he wants me to see. My verse this week is longer than usual, something my delightful daughter pointed out. I think she was worried about the ability of my older brain committing so many words to memory. Here is this week's verse:

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his people. Ephesians 1:1-18

Something happens when I memorize while running. I focus on certain words in the text and they unfold in my mind. This morning I focused on the words "revelation" and "enlightened." I like the idea of God "revealing" his word to me.  It's like tearing wrapping paper from a gift. I also like the description of my heart having eyes, because I want to see the world through the eyes of a loving God.

Here is another verse I memorized in February, also from Ephesians:

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Ephesians 1:2-3

I know that on my own, I cannot fully understand what God is telling me in his word, so I run to him asking that the eyes of my heart be enlightened. I want to take part in the glorious inheritance which he has gifted to me.

What Do I Believe?

Warning! If you think I have it all together, stop reading now!

Over the last year I have been part of several Bible studies regarding taking victory over the lies we believe about ourselves. These lies are often called “strongholds,” and author Joyce Meyer describes a stronghold in this way:

Through careful strategy and cunning deceit, Satan attempts to set up “strongholds” in our mind.  A stronghold is an area in which we are held in bondage (in prison) due to a certain way of thinking.

This week I have been under a cloud of one of these strongholds, something I believe about myself that is not true. Satan is an expert at knowing our weaknesses. You know, those things that can most easily send you spiraling downward. Well, this week I fell into that downward spiral.

Now, I don’t know about you but I have an excellent imagination and this does not always serve me well! I allowed my imagination and dark thoughts to take over. I wanted to break free of them, but a part of me was allowing myself to wallow in a feeling of self-pity.

Because I have walked this path before, my husband knew what was happening and he encouraged (dragged) me outside for a walk, which is always helpful in clearing my mind. When we walked back into the house, I grabbed a book from the bench in our entryway. The book I grabbed was Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind by Joyce Meyer. I sat down and read the first three pages, including this:

The devil is a liar. Jesus called him, “the father of lies and of all that is false.” (John 8:44.) He lies to you and me. He tells us things about ourselves, about other people and about circumstances that are just not true.

After asking my sweet husband to pray for me, I felt such a weight lifted. I have experienced all of this before, but coming out of the darkness has never been so swift or so vivid. Usually, I’m stuck there for several days and emerge gradually.

Please, if you struggle with any stronghold, any lie you believe about yourself, I encourage you to read these books:

Breaking Free by Beth More
Praying God’s Word by Beth More
Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind by Joyce Meyer

The truth is Jesus loves me. He loves you. The truth is we are so valuable to him, we are so loved that he came here to show us that in person.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:57

Looking For Some Grace

During a run last week, I did what I always do. I memorized a Bible text.  The verse I memorized was Colossians 2:2-3 which says, “My goal for them is that they be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding so that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” I don’t want to brag, but I wrote that from memory.

The Reward for Running Early

So I was repeating the verse over and over as I ran and suddenly it occurred to me that, of course, we can’t understand the mystery of God without love, because God is all about love.

A lot happened in the world last week, most of it sad. I didn’t see love represented much at all.  And it’s got me thinking about Philip Yancey’s book, What’s So Amazing About Grace? If you haven’t read it, please do. The world could sure use some more grace filled people.

The Greek word for grace is charis, which means unmerited favor or undeserved favor. As an example, grace is something a wife might give her husband if he accidentally washes the new sweater he received for Christmas – shrinking it to newborn size – after wearing it only once. Just as a random example. . .

The Bible tells us that Jesus was full of grace, and came to give us what we do not deserve. “The Word (Jesus) became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14

So if God gave us what we don’t deserve, why is it so hard for us to give someone else what they don’t deserved?

We know that we are all recipients of that undeserved favor. “Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given.” John 1:16

Grace is something none of us deserve or can earn. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8

Philip Yancey says, “Grace is Christianity’s best gift to the world, a spiritual nova in our midst exerting a force stronger than vengeance, stronger than racism, stronger than hate.”

Could we just stop for a minute and think about that.  Grace is stronger than hate. God's grace is stronger than hate. Let it sink into our minds, make its way to our hearts until it comes out of us in an active way that benefits others.

Yancey also says, “If grace is so amazing, why don’t Christians show more of it?”

Psalm 119:18 “Open my eyes so that I may see the wonderful truths in your law.” That’s another verse I memorized on a cold winter run.

Change is Good, Right?

Sometimes I think it would have been better to raise children I don’t like quite so much. With a twenty-two year old son and a seventeen-year-old daughter, I am not unaware that change is on the horizon for this mom.  Our son graduated from Boise State University in December and yesterday was sworn into the U.S. Army as an officer candidate.  He leaves for training in three short weeks. To say that we are proud of him does not come close to describing our feelings.  My feelings go something like this: proud, elated, sad, scared – repeat.  Good thing I’m a woman so I can multi-task.

In the fiction work The Shack by William P. Young (which you either loved or hated), Jesus says:  “I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything.  When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you.  Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life - your family, friends, occupation, thoughts, activities - is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being.”

I just love God’s timing! I read this book a couple of years ago and just happened to come across this quote last week. I keep notes from books that I read, because that’s what you do when you love to read but don’t have a great memory!

Also last week I listened to a amazing talk by Beth Moore on anxiety.  I don’t think the timing could have been better for this family! Here are a few things Beth had to say about anxiety.

• The act of humility is reflected in us in the casting of our cares on God.  When I don't cast my cares on Jesus, even subconsciously, it is an act of pride.  Humility takes an action.  And what this action is in 1 Peter 5 is that we are going to humble ourselves to God BY casting all our cares on him.  The Greek word for "care" in this verse means "anxious care".
• Anything I will not cast upon the Lord, I am trying to maintain lordship over.  This is not conscious.  Our anxiety proves that we are in a wrestling match with whether or not we believe God can be trusted with it (this is our issue).
• Anxiety is real.  It's not like we can just say stop it.  What God is saying to do is throw it to Him.  Transfer my anxiety to God.  Give it up to HIM.  With everything in me, cast my anxiety to God.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:6-8

Last summer I started praying in a new way.  I chose a Bible verse for each of my loved ones and prayed that verse each day for them.  Here is the verse I chose for my son:  "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

I know that I can't handle all that happens in life on my own, but I know God can.

I Don't Know

Our family has a small group Bible study in our home each Wednesday night.  We share a meal, catch up on what’s happening in our lives and dig into God’s word.  Last week I mentioned to our group that I had just read an article discussing how difficult it is for most of us to say three little words, “I don’t know.” I know this to be true and still I find it so amusing.

Why is it so hard to admit that I don’t know everything?

Sometimes I’m afraid my knowing everything will keep me from seeing God as he really is. We think we have all the answers, so we aren’t looking for any more.  But God is pretty clear on that, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” Isaiah 55:8

My spiritual goal for 2012 is to see the truths in God’s word.  To see him as he really is, and that may be different from the way I’ve seen him for the last 45 years. I want to let humility live in me so that my way becomes God’s way.

“Open my eyes that I may see wonderful truths in your law.” Psalm 119:18

“My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” Colossians 2:2-3

Of some things I am certain.  I am loved. I am valuable. I know this because God keeps saying it for over 1,000 pages in the Bible. I don’t have all the answers, and that’s just fine.

A New Walk Along an Old Way

Have I mentioned that shortly before Christmas I decided to read through the Bible?  My sweet daughter, who read through the entire Bible over the summer break, inspired me.  She read 15 pages a day and nothing kept her from her daily commitment.  I mean we could have traveled all day or played all day or whatever, and she would stay up late to finish her reading. Honestly, it shamed me a little considering I hadn't done anything requiring such commitment to my faith in a long time.  So, in December I buckled down and started reading.  My goal 10 pages each day (I cannot keep up with Rebecca!).  Now being me, and being extremely literal I couldn't just read through the Bible, but decided I would read through the books of the Bible in chronological order.

This morning I finished the book of Jeremiah, incidentally my favorite book so far; although the book of Ruth is a pretty sweet love story, especially since the not so uplifting book of Judges precedes it.  But back to the often abused Jeremiah! Chosen by God to take a message of warning to the people, he spent years repeating the same message (turn back to God; worship Him alone) to an unresponsive and angry people.  The poor guy was beaten, thrown into a muddy cistern and just not the most popular guy in town.

Having been a follower of Christ all my life, I’ve heard and often agreed with the description of a harsh Old Testament God versus a loving and peaceful New Testament God.  I think we get it wrong here.  Throughout the Old Testament is this constant theme of a God who is desperate to forgive people if they would just return to a faithful relationship with him.  I mean these are people who are sacrificing their own children to their false gods, and yet we have this God who over and over again wants to forgive them and continue in relationship with them.  I think I’m going to have to change the way I think about the God of the Old Testament.

Psalm 119:18 “Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.”

Be blessed today friends ~ Shawna

Walking in Love

Well, Rebecca and I are home from Houston where we went to celebrate a year of memorizing scripture.  We joined Beth Moore and about 1,200 other women who memorized 24 verses during 2011.  We met at the First Baptist Church in Houston for two days of worship, music with Travis Cotrell, a fantastic message from Beth Moore and - we also recited all 24 of our memory verses to a partner!  We made new friends, managed to stay alive on the Houston freeways, ate the best Mexican food I've experienced, and came home ready to keep digging into the Word!  I cannot even begin to express how blessed I feel to have experienced this with my sweet daughter.

The following is just a bit of Beth's message from the weekend.  The message was taken from the book of  2nd John, and Beth began Friday evening by reciting the entire of book!  I nearly cried it was so moving (but then I am a crier!).  Beth used the word WALKING as the outline for the message.

We're all starved for some face to face.
All we've worked for can be lost.
Listen with the ears of a chosen lady.
Keep the pace of true abiding.
Invest your whole life into love.
Never forget the ploy to infiltrate.
Go out into the world walking in what you know.

I must invest my whole life into love. Never be unaware that God loves me! How aware am I that God loves me? Am I dwelling in that knowledge? In that awareness?  Truth without love is just a fact. Insist on keeping my feeling in my faith.

"Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love. Ephesians 5:1. Let's get out there and walk like people who know they are loved!

I revel in the forced quiet time a plane ride provides!

Here we are writing our favorite verses on the Wall of Verses.
Did I say how great it was to experience this with Rebecca!

A bit of sustenance to keep us going!

Rebecca and I are continuing to memorize Bible verses in 2012.  Please join us.  We would love to share this experience with you.

Winter Workout Land

We welcomed the snow this morning but not enough for me to run in it! Here's the view from this morning's "run."

Safe driving friends!

How Scared Should I Be?

I just returned from a weekend in Seattle, where six of us women gathered to celebrate our dear friend Jody’s birthday.  I don’t often get away for a girls' only weekend, and can I just say it was fun.  It was noisy.  It was filled with laughter, but it was not restful!  Indeed, we had so much fun I needed a 90-minute nap once I got home and then still went to bed at 8:30. Yes, I am a wimp!

While in Seattle we got to talking about “fire and brimstone” street preaching.  I have a picture in my mind of a man who stood on a corner in downtown Seattle nearly every day, back when I lived and worked there, shouting to all of us about repenting and burning in hell.  He was not a happy looking guy, and I always hurried past him as fast a possible.  I just wonder does this kind of “ministry” ever work?  I mean who would be drawn to that?  I’m a Christian, and I couldn’t wait to get away from him.

Last summer I read the book Speaking of Jesus by Carl Medearis and my world was changed.  This book made me look at the world and myself differently!  Mr. Medearis writes, “If we don't truly know what the gospel is, we have to find an explanation for Christianity.”  This made me ask myself, do I know Jesus well enough to share him? Can I talk about the gospel while talking only of Jesus? Can I leave rules and doctrine out of a description of salvation?  I hope so.  Medearis goes on to say, “We don't trust Jesus with our salvation.  We think he needs our help.  We think He needs our doctrines, our church charters, our definitions, and our circle.  We're insecure about salvation.”

I then sat down and read again the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John in the Bible. I hadn’t read them in a while, and I was reminded at how beautiful they are.  The gospels are filled with story after story of Jesus loving people, even (actually especially!) unlovable people.  Why do we forget that? Why do we make it complicated? Why do we make it scary?

“Jesus gives us a new way of living and loving and being loved - this is the gospel message.  That's what Jesus does for us.  He gives us life.  Heals us and restores us.  Provides answers and truth, a way to live forever.  All good things.” Speaking of Jesus.

“Not feeling like we have the burden to convince the world that they're wrong and we're right allows us to talk about Jesus and how amazing He was and is with total freedom.” Speaking of Jesus