On Fridays I (sometimes) link up with Lisa-Jo Baker for a writing flash mob. I write for five minutes on the topic Lisa-Jo has chosen. Today's writing prompt is finish.
Yesterday I had lunch with two dear friends. We have watched our children grow from first graders to college students. As women are apt to do, we talked about everything under the sun - summer travels, clothes, exercise, church, our work and, of course, our children. After a good, long talk I commented that being the parent of adult children is so much more complicated than parenting babies and grade schoolers.
When we are young parents, we think we have it is so hard. Juggling school schedules and sporting events, and field trips and birthday parties, dentist appointments and keeping our growing children in shoes that fit. All of this requires so much energy we fall into bed each night exhausted thinking it will surely be easier when they’re older. And honestly it is easier in that it requires less physical energy. But yesterday we laughed at the naiveté of our younger selves. How could we have known being the parent of a twenty year old requires so much more brain power? It makes those younger years seem simple.
Perhaps there is no such thing as “finishing.” We are never finished parenting. We are never finished loving. We are never finished laughing so loudly we embarrass our children (some of us). We are never finished crying. We are never finished finding the beauty around us. We are never finished being brave or making hard decisions.
Finishing is an illusion. For every day is new. Every day is a gift. Every day is an opportunity to grow a little further into that person we were born to be. And I really never want to finish parenting.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Friday, July 18, 2014
The Courage to Bloom
On Fridays I (sometimes) link up with Lisa-Jo Baker for a writing flash mob. I write for five minutes on the topic Lisa-Jo has chosen. Today's writing prompt is bloom.
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to blooming is - well me. To bloom, to grow, to create - this is not always easy. Writing requires me to be very brave. To be vulnerable. To share thoughts and emotions and fears and dreams. Some days this is easy - okay that's not true - writing for me is never truly easy but some days it is easier than others to be vulnerable and translate what is inside of me into the written word.
"It takes courage to not only accept our limitations but embrace our potential. To deny our creative nature is to choose a life where we are less and thus responsible for less." Erwin McManus, The Artisan Soul
Somehow I have convinced myself I should write only when the writing comes easily. And so I will remember the brave me I have the potential to be. Words are powerful and in a world where cruel words are becoming ever more acceptable, kindness matters even more.
"You are powerfully gifted by God. He prepared in advance for your contribution to this world." Beth Moore, Children of the Day.
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to blooming is - well me. To bloom, to grow, to create - this is not always easy. Writing requires me to be very brave. To be vulnerable. To share thoughts and emotions and fears and dreams. Some days this is easy - okay that's not true - writing for me is never truly easy but some days it is easier than others to be vulnerable and translate what is inside of me into the written word.
"It takes courage to not only accept our limitations but embrace our potential. To deny our creative nature is to choose a life where we are less and thus responsible for less." Erwin McManus, The Artisan Soul
Somehow I have convinced myself I should write only when the writing comes easily. And so I will remember the brave me I have the potential to be. Words are powerful and in a world where cruel words are becoming ever more acceptable, kindness matters even more.
"You are powerfully gifted by God. He prepared in advance for your contribution to this world." Beth Moore, Children of the Day.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
A Messy Kind of Community
"We all want community, but the best community happens when we pick a cause or pick some people to help. Christian community happens only in a community with people who actively follow Jesus. And if you get some friends to pursue a common struggle, you will find a level of community that you could never find by just looking for friends. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, 'He who loves community, destroys community; he who loves the brethren, builds community.' His point is that when people focus on finding Christian friends to huddle together with, they generally destroy the utopia they’ve built up in their minds, but those who simply love people always create genuine, deep community." (Flesh: Bringing the Incarnation Down to Earth, by Hugh Halter)In January of 2013 a small band of Jesus followers huddled together in our living room to discuss a kind of triage. A single mom from our church was being evicted from her apartment. Knowing what was about to happen to her and her three children, we could not do nothing, and from that impromptu meeting was born a community.
A few days later we helped our new friend move from her apartment into a homeless shelter. And when I say helped I mean we showed up en masse at her apartment and started packing. And it was chaos. We couldn’t communicate with our friend because at that time, her English was nearly nonexistent, and our only translator was a nine-year-old boy. Packing and moving is not fun, but packing for someone else is just weird. “Do you want to keep this receipt? This broken toy? This half used box of tissue?” Oh that’s right I can’t ask you because I’m American and I speak only one language. I remember saying that evening, “Ministry is messy.” And it is. You want a ministry that isn’t messy, then volunteer to shelve books at the public library or model for a local charity fashion show. . . but personal ministry is always, always messy because we’re all human and we bring our brokenness into everything.
So it was out of that messy evening a community of ministry was born. Three of us took the lead. We are three working moms - a doctor, a social worker and a business owner/former paralegal. And let me just say, that with our determination and professional backgrounds, we can get it done! We don’t always know what we're doing but we know how to find answers. We have fumbled and overreached, but we have learned to be humble and to recognize when to lean in and when to pull back. Eventually we termed ourselves the Surprise Squad, because in spite if our best efforts at planning and organization we were continually surprised at what came our way.
We have done a lot of good together and probably some harm. We’ve walked together through sadness and fear and joy and success and frustration, always believing God is good and he put us on this path. And we have been so very blessed. Blessed because we get to be part of restoring hope and a future to our refugee friends. And blessed because of closer friendship with each other. This community born out of need, has made us into a community that is more than ourselves. More than our own enjoyment. The bond is stronger, more purposeful, holier. And I am grateful.
"You need a fight so that people will see God as He truly is. The best witness isn’t telling people concepts about God. The best witness of the gospel happens when people see an entire community sticking up for people who are nameless, voiceless, or powerless. Every Jesus follower should be an activist an abolitionist, or at least an advocate.” (Flesh: Bringing the Incarnation Down to Earth, by Hugh Halter)
Monday, March 17, 2014
Love - It's Not Just a Word
I don't know that I can explain this well, but sometimes we Christians operate too much on autopilot. We have our bits well-rehearsed and we play them well.
I take notes on nearly everything in my life, so if I hear or read something meaningful or thought provoking, it's likely to end up saved in the Notes app on my iPhone. Today I read this note, saved months ago, "Don't tell them Jesus loves them until you're ready to love them too." This song by Steve Camp resonates with me.
I spend a lot of time with people who have little by way of material goods. People who have lived with one meal a day for most of their lives. People who are immeasurably grateful for where they are today and at the same time sorrowful for loved ones left behind.
Don't tell them Jesus loves them until you're ready to love them too. Because love is an action. We can see it. We can eat it. We can wear it. We can sleep on it. It is food and clothes and beds and homes. It is a ride to the grocery store or a trip to the doctor, and it is helping children with their homework. It is laughter and it is tears and it is more beautiful and joy giving than I can ever describe. And if you're missing out on this, I am very sorry.
People say to Kevin and me all the time how lucky these people we help are to have us in their lives. That is fine and a natural way to think, but it is backwards. We have been invited into these beautiful redemptive stories, and I feel so incredibly spoiled that God let us in on this.
You want someone to know they are loved? Then do something. Take action. Be helpful. Make a difference. Jesus didn't just say, "I love you." He did stuff.
"If you want to know what a person believes, watch what they do." Brennan Manning
And in defense of the woman asking for donations, she was doing something.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Oh the Things I Could Be
On Fridays I (sometimes) link up with Lisa-Jo Baker for a writing flash mob. I write for five minutes on the topic Lisa-Jo has chosen. Today's writing prompt is willing.
I wonder if all of life can be summed up in the word “willing.” Every choice I make, every action occurs because I am either willing or not. Am I willing to wake early to study and exercise? Am I willing to keep the house in order (sometimes)? Am I willing to return emails and turn in expense reports so my desk doesn’t look like a train wreck? Am I willing to make hard relationship decisions, even those that bring pain? Am I willing to forgive harsh words spoken in my direction? Am I willing to let go of my selfishness?
Few things worth celebrating in life happen unless I am willing to give of myself. I listened recently to Shauna Niequist speak about being willing to let God heal us. Her words resonated deeply with me. When I am hurt, when I am scared, when I am in the pit of depression, I must get to a place of willingness before anything else can follow. A willingness to lean into that pain, that hurt, that fear and dig down to its root. Am I willing to walk with God into a place of healing? Honestly, sometimes I am not and I sit in my pain.
Ready or not life is coming at me - in an ever faster and in a hurry world. Every day life requires my response. Some are simple. Some are complex. Am I willing to make hard choices? Am I willing to walk with Jesus in gentleness, patience, peace, goodness, love, joy, kindness, faithfulness and self-control.
Sometimes it is hard. Some days I am more willing than other days to be who I am in Christ.
God, please help me be willing.
I wonder if all of life can be summed up in the word “willing.” Every choice I make, every action occurs because I am either willing or not. Am I willing to wake early to study and exercise? Am I willing to keep the house in order (sometimes)? Am I willing to return emails and turn in expense reports so my desk doesn’t look like a train wreck? Am I willing to make hard relationship decisions, even those that bring pain? Am I willing to forgive harsh words spoken in my direction? Am I willing to let go of my selfishness?
Few things worth celebrating in life happen unless I am willing to give of myself. I listened recently to Shauna Niequist speak about being willing to let God heal us. Her words resonated deeply with me. When I am hurt, when I am scared, when I am in the pit of depression, I must get to a place of willingness before anything else can follow. A willingness to lean into that pain, that hurt, that fear and dig down to its root. Am I willing to walk with God into a place of healing? Honestly, sometimes I am not and I sit in my pain.
Ready or not life is coming at me - in an ever faster and in a hurry world. Every day life requires my response. Some are simple. Some are complex. Am I willing to make hard choices? Am I willing to walk with Jesus in gentleness, patience, peace, goodness, love, joy, kindness, faithfulness and self-control.
Sometimes it is hard. Some days I am more willing than other days to be who I am in Christ.
God, please help me be willing.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
A Radical Kind of Love
Last weekend Kevin and I had the joy of attending church first with our sweet girl in Spokane and also with our Caleb in Portland. It gets even better.
When in Portland, we love attending A Jesus Church, located smack downtown and attended by a multitude of twenty-something hipsters. They let us attend in spite of our age and lack of “hipsterness.” Imagine my excitement when I discovered the speaker that evening would be David Lomas, author of The Truest Thing About You, a fantastic new book I had finished reading just that day on the plane.
Lomas writes, “Amid all the true things about you, there is one thing that is the truest.”
You see, who I am doesn’t change based on my ideas or actions or the words I speak. Who I am has always been fixed. I am God’s child, beloved, made in his image, made to walk with him – in love – through the mess of this world. This is who I am always. It is the truest thing about me. And I am perfectly happy believing this about myself, but do I also believe this about my “enemies”?
Because I am not made to only walk in love with my God. I am not made to only walk in love with those who agree with me, with those who look like me. I am made to walk in love with all people. Even when I don’t want to. Even when we are unbearable to each other. Even with those who choose hate over love. Mostly, I don’t feel like walking in love with those who think hate is acceptable.
You've noticed, I'm sure, that there is a surplus of hate in this world. Well, that hate, that darkness has been right in my face this week. There has been no avoiding it, no pretending it isn't there and directed at those I love. When the darkness is that close, it's easy to let anger creep in. It's easy for me to let kindness and love drift away.
I so desperately need Jesus to teach me how to return hate with love, forgiveness, gentleness, kindness, patience, peace and that oh so difficult one for me, self-control.
Author Oz Guinness says, “We are never freer than when we become most ourselves, most human, most just, most excellent, and the like. Yet, if this is the case, freedom has a requirement: To be ourselves, we need to know who we are.”
I want to make my way through life in a way that shouts, “Do you know you are loved? Do you know you are valuable? Do you know you have a place in this world?” I don't know any other way to dilute hate except to flood it with love.
“Define yourself radically as beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is an illusion.” Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child
When in Portland, we love attending A Jesus Church, located smack downtown and attended by a multitude of twenty-something hipsters. They let us attend in spite of our age and lack of “hipsterness.” Imagine my excitement when I discovered the speaker that evening would be David Lomas, author of The Truest Thing About You, a fantastic new book I had finished reading just that day on the plane.
Lomas writes, “Amid all the true things about you, there is one thing that is the truest.”
You see, who I am doesn’t change based on my ideas or actions or the words I speak. Who I am has always been fixed. I am God’s child, beloved, made in his image, made to walk with him – in love – through the mess of this world. This is who I am always. It is the truest thing about me. And I am perfectly happy believing this about myself, but do I also believe this about my “enemies”?
Because I am not made to only walk in love with my God. I am not made to only walk in love with those who agree with me, with those who look like me. I am made to walk in love with all people. Even when I don’t want to. Even when we are unbearable to each other. Even with those who choose hate over love. Mostly, I don’t feel like walking in love with those who think hate is acceptable.
You've noticed, I'm sure, that there is a surplus of hate in this world. Well, that hate, that darkness has been right in my face this week. There has been no avoiding it, no pretending it isn't there and directed at those I love. When the darkness is that close, it's easy to let anger creep in. It's easy for me to let kindness and love drift away.
I so desperately need Jesus to teach me how to return hate with love, forgiveness, gentleness, kindness, patience, peace and that oh so difficult one for me, self-control.
Author Oz Guinness says, “We are never freer than when we become most ourselves, most human, most just, most excellent, and the like. Yet, if this is the case, freedom has a requirement: To be ourselves, we need to know who we are.”
I want to make my way through life in a way that shouts, “Do you know you are loved? Do you know you are valuable? Do you know you have a place in this world?” I don't know any other way to dilute hate except to flood it with love.
“Define yourself radically as beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is an illusion.” Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child
Thursday, January 2, 2014
I Will Remember
I have decided life is a continuous ebb and flow of hellos and goodbyes. In November we delighted in welcoming home our son after five months of military service. December brought a full house as we welcomed home our daughter from her first semester at college.
I have loved the increased chaos and messiness and negotiations over what’s for dinner and who gets control of the remote. But then just as I settled into having my children home, they left again. Rebecca off to Costa Rica for three weeks of study and Caleb off to begin a graduate program in Portland. A few weeks ago I asked Caleb to start being really unpleasant so I would miss him less when he leaves (he didn’t comply). I didn’t ask this of my daughter because I fear the shock of unpleasantness coming from my sweet girl would be too great.
So it is in the midst of these hellos and goodbyes that I have chosen as my 2014 word, “remember.” I joked last week that I was going to choose a more restful word this year, since my 2013 word “brave” nearly did me in. I’m tired, people. The word remember started floating around my mind a couple of weeks ago and it’s what I need for 2014.
I want to remember that through all the scary changes and fears we live with daily, God is here. His love is constant. He never stops caring for me, and when I hurt, he hurts. I want to remember that in 2013 when I walked with loved ones through homeless shelters and death and birth and new homes, and leaving home for the first time, and an empty nest that God walked with us. Always.
I want to remember we are all important to God. We are all beloved. We all matter. I want to remember this and see every person through God’s eyes - equally lovable.
And in all of this, I want to remember Rebecca’s hand in mine as we watch TV, the amazing sound of Caleb’s laughter, and how it feels to be wrapped in my husband’s safe embrace. Because life continues to bring more joy than pain, and that is something I want always to remember.
I have loved the increased chaos and messiness and negotiations over what’s for dinner and who gets control of the remote. But then just as I settled into having my children home, they left again. Rebecca off to Costa Rica for three weeks of study and Caleb off to begin a graduate program in Portland. A few weeks ago I asked Caleb to start being really unpleasant so I would miss him less when he leaves (he didn’t comply). I didn’t ask this of my daughter because I fear the shock of unpleasantness coming from my sweet girl would be too great.
So it is in the midst of these hellos and goodbyes that I have chosen as my 2014 word, “remember.” I joked last week that I was going to choose a more restful word this year, since my 2013 word “brave” nearly did me in. I’m tired, people. The word remember started floating around my mind a couple of weeks ago and it’s what I need for 2014.
I want to remember that through all the scary changes and fears we live with daily, God is here. His love is constant. He never stops caring for me, and when I hurt, he hurts. I want to remember that in 2013 when I walked with loved ones through homeless shelters and death and birth and new homes, and leaving home for the first time, and an empty nest that God walked with us. Always.
I want to remember we are all important to God. We are all beloved. We all matter. I want to remember this and see every person through God’s eyes - equally lovable.
And in all of this, I want to remember Rebecca’s hand in mine as we watch TV, the amazing sound of Caleb’s laughter, and how it feels to be wrapped in my husband’s safe embrace. Because life continues to bring more joy than pain, and that is something I want always to remember.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Five Minute Friday: Flying First Class
On Fridays I (sometimes) link up with Lisa-Jo Baker for a writing flash mob. I write for five minutes on the topic Lisa-Jo has chosen. Today's writing prompt is fly.
Sometimes you have to let go of some baggage before you can learn to fly, and for me that was a long journey. My fears were many and often revolved around being away from my children. I used them as my security blanket. I was excited to travel the world with my sweet husband, but only as long as our children were along as my insurance. I know. This is some weird (il)logic, but there it is.
The funny thing is that last month I was on ten planes in fourteen days and never was it with my children. They are, after all, living lives of their own now at ages 24 and 19.
Learning to fly looks different for all of us. My fears are not your fears and your fears are not mine. My fears controlled me to an extreme that kept me from leaving home alone. My leap into flight didn’t come overnight. It was a gradual climb, occurring only after crash landing in a pit of anxiety and depression. My leap included years of study and prayer with God, a kind therapist, a vigilant and loving husband and children who never judged me for my weaknesses.
If you’re still tied to the ground, my heart is tender for you. I have felt your pain. Your path to flight will not look like mine, but it is there. Let go of what holds you down. Let go and fly, because on this flight we all fly First Class.
Monday, November 18, 2013
But I Know He Loves Me
We get ourselves in trouble when we think we have all the answers. And since I am not a fan of trouble, I'm just going to confess right now that I don't have many answers.
I spend a lot of time with God in study, in prayer, in nature, in listening. Yet I recognize so much about God is bigger than my mind can grasp. I don't know all things. In fact, I don't know most things, but I get what God means when he says to love. Love Him. Love you. Love myself. This I understand. So in every decision of every day, I want to choose love. I may not be able to interpret the book of Revelation or explain exactly what Paul meant in all of his writings (I'm thinking more punctuation could have helped there), but I understand well enough that I can never go wrong when I choose to love.
I spend a lot of time with God in study, in prayer, in nature, in listening. Yet I recognize so much about God is bigger than my mind can grasp. I don't know all things. In fact, I don't know most things, but I get what God means when he says to love. Love Him. Love you. Love myself. This I understand. So in every decision of every day, I want to choose love. I may not be able to interpret the book of Revelation or explain exactly what Paul meant in all of his writings (I'm thinking more punctuation could have helped there), but I understand well enough that I can never go wrong when I choose to love.
I have come to understand that my loving well can only come when I rest in God's love for me. Until I grab hold of God's love for me, I won't be able to share it, because it won't be in me.
God loves. He asks me to do the same. Love him. Love you. Love myself. I don't always do it well but I want to.
Of these things I am sure: God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, is creator of all things, me included. God's power and promises are believable. On my own I am a mess, sinful and self-centered, but with Christ I can do all things. God's love, the saving blood of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit living in me, make me whole, perfect and valuable to God, worthy of His love. God wants me. He wants my attention, my love, my whole self and not just a piece. I give this to Him through worship and prayer and what I choose to give my heart to each day.
God loves. He asks me to do the same. Love him. Love you. Love myself. I don't always do it well but I want to.
Of these things I am sure: God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, is creator of all things, me included. God's power and promises are believable. On my own I am a mess, sinful and self-centered, but with Christ I can do all things. God's love, the saving blood of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit living in me, make me whole, perfect and valuable to God, worthy of His love. God wants me. He wants my attention, my love, my whole self and not just a piece. I give this to Him through worship and prayer and what I choose to give my heart to each day.
I don't know much, but I know God loves me.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
The Good Goodbye
Fear is not a good friend. I dream of doing so many things, and I can say it is lack of time that holds me back but, honestly, it is fear more than anything that keeps me from my dreams. I dream of writing three or four blog articles a week, but while I am busy and the travel we love keeps me in a perpetual game of catch up, I know that if I really wanted to – if I was really brave enough to write more of my heart - I would be writing three or four times a week.
The past three years have seen me let go of a lot of fear. God has healed me in ways I hadn’t seen coming. And while I still hold on to some fear, I live braver today than I have in all my life. I am so grateful. Grateful that while my son is a member of the U.S. Army, I don't lie awake at night afraid of what his future holds. Fear does not grip me and that is a flat out miracle. I am grateful that when it came time to let my daughter go away to college, I was not gripped by fear. Fear that she would be lonely or scared or someone would hurt her, and I wouldn’t be there to make it right (that's what mom's do, right!). I walked that road when my son went away to college, and it wasn't good. Most of the time my imagination is a bigger enemy to me than anything real. I sabotage my own peace of mind. I am grateful for the healing of my mind, especially a healing that results from a reining in of my overactive imagination.
This has been a year of living bravely. A year of learning and growing. A year of new friends from distant countries. A year of navigating social services on behalf of refugees. A year of meetings with social workers and aid workers and doctors and planning a funeral, assisting in a birth, and meeting with caseworkers and school counselors and midnight emergency room visits. A year of saying goodbye to my son again and to my daughter for the first time. All because in January I told God I would like to live bravely.
Today I’m looking for a home for my friend who has been approved for permanent housing through the City of Boise’s housing program for the poor. We’ve been looking since August without success. It’s not easy finding a landlord who will rent to the poor. This is frustrating and could be scary, but I know God has a home for my friend and her children. A good home. A home where they will know joy and security.
And I am not afraid.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind."
1 Timothy 1:7
The past three years have seen me let go of a lot of fear. God has healed me in ways I hadn’t seen coming. And while I still hold on to some fear, I live braver today than I have in all my life. I am so grateful. Grateful that while my son is a member of the U.S. Army, I don't lie awake at night afraid of what his future holds. Fear does not grip me and that is a flat out miracle. I am grateful that when it came time to let my daughter go away to college, I was not gripped by fear. Fear that she would be lonely or scared or someone would hurt her, and I wouldn’t be there to make it right (that's what mom's do, right!). I walked that road when my son went away to college, and it wasn't good. Most of the time my imagination is a bigger enemy to me than anything real. I sabotage my own peace of mind. I am grateful for the healing of my mind, especially a healing that results from a reining in of my overactive imagination.
This has been a year of living bravely. A year of learning and growing. A year of new friends from distant countries. A year of navigating social services on behalf of refugees. A year of meetings with social workers and aid workers and doctors and planning a funeral, assisting in a birth, and meeting with caseworkers and school counselors and midnight emergency room visits. A year of saying goodbye to my son again and to my daughter for the first time. All because in January I told God I would like to live bravely.
Today I’m looking for a home for my friend who has been approved for permanent housing through the City of Boise’s housing program for the poor. We’ve been looking since August without success. It’s not easy finding a landlord who will rent to the poor. This is frustrating and could be scary, but I know God has a home for my friend and her children. A good home. A home where they will know joy and security.
And I am not afraid.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind."
1 Timothy 1:7
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